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FEENY VS WILSON

We loved them and laughed with them. We wished, like the Microsoft Paperclip, that they could pop up in our daily lives and guide us on the path to adulthood. But for the Disney Channel generation, who was our favourite guardian angel: Mr Feeny, or Wilson?
By Hayley Charlesworth

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THE BLUE CORNER: MR FEENY
(Boy Meets World)
 
Mr Feeny, neighbour of the central Matthews family in ABC's Boy Meets World, was the kind of teacher we all wished to have: intelligent and authoratative enough to ensure we were prepared for the world beyond high school, kind and welcoming enough that you could approach him no matter what problems you had. For Cory, Topanga and the gang, Mr Feeny was a constant source of knowledge (well, he was their teacher through school, their principle, and their college lecturer, as well as conveniently living next door). So what makes him better than Wilson?
  • Mr Feeny's garden was separated, like in Home Improvement, by a fence. Unlike his rival, however, Feeny's fence was low, exposing his whole body in a way that seemed more open and honest than the mystery surrounding Wilson. Also, Feeny was free to open the gate and step into the Matthews' garden whenever he wished, something which Wilson never dared to do.
  • Feeny's first wife, Lillian, died before the series began, and so he knows of both the joy and the heartbreak of marriage. This information he is free to pass on to newlyweds Cory and Topanga, and they know it is from a reliable source.
  • As an educator, Feeny is clearly intelligent, but never acts superior to those who seek his advice.
  • Feeny later becomes the mentor to Eric Matthews, the show's typical "dumb" character. That he managed to prepare Eric for life beyond school is an amazing feat in itself.
  • Feeny has the ability to bring out the hidden talents of his students. During the college episodes, Feeny helped Shawn realise his potential as a poet, and in doing so, allowed Shawn to express his true feelings for girlfriend Angela.
  • Feeny is given the last line of the series. After his students leave the classroom, he says to the empty seats "I love you all. Class dismissed." This is both poignant and moving, and I dare you not to get a lump in your throat as you remember all the lives Mr Feeny has touched. Even yours.

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THE RED CORNER: WILSON
(Home Improvement)
 
Ever ready with a philosophical quip, it's time to say "Howdy, neighbour!" to our good friend Wilson. The eccentric neighbour of the hapless Tim 'The Toolman' Taylor on ABC's Home Improvement would offer advice to the Taylor clan whilst working on some unusual project in his garden. But what makes Wilson W. Wilson Jr so darn memorable? Let's take a look.
  • Wilson is by far the most intriguing character on the show. This is because you never see the bottom half of his face! This adds a mystery to the character, giving him an almost deity like quality.
  • Like Feeny, his wife, Catherine died before the series began. He uses his experience of the highs and lows of marriage to guide Tim and Jill.
  • Wilson is a very cultured man, often interspersing his advice with helpful quotes from philosophy, literature or history. Tim will then try and repeat the quote and get it wrong, comically.
  • His cousins are the flaming BEACH BOYS! 100% AMAZING!
  • He has a pet parrot called Mozart, which emphasises his cultural background.
  • He has lived next door to the Taylor family most of his life. Like Feeny, he has watched the children grow into adults, and helped guide them on their way. Unlike Feeny though, Wilson's main focus is on guiding Tim, and to a lesser extent Jill. This is likely because Tim is the most childish character on the show.

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THE RESULT
 
Despite being related to the Beach Boys, I'm afraid Mr Feeny just pips Wilson to the post on this one. Wilson is intelligent, warm and helpful, but his philosophical ramblings could border on the arrogant, whereas Feeny puts things in terms everyone can understand, and does so while showing his face!
 
So well done Feeny, but your victory is short-lived. Strange Fruit believe Saved By The Bell's Mr Belding to be the true agony uncle of adolescent television.

strangefruitmagazine@hotmail.co.uk